bid "Love" goodbye

 Once upon a time in my life, a guy started liking me, and we spent time chatting every day. I had some trust issues, so I tried to keep my distance. I even told him about my walls, and he gave me all his social media info to reassure me.


At first, he made me feel special and loved, but then I got a bit bored. I thought about him sometimes and imagined a future together. I even wrote notes to myself, thinking about saying "yes" one day. I crazily created a song for him. 


But then things changed. I realized we were different, and I didn't want to make big sacrifices for this relationship. Our beliefs didn't match, and he seemed too into himself.


During our conversations, he would share pictures and videos to show that I was important to him. He even went as far as posting my pictures online and setting my photo as his wallpaper but when we are no longer talking, I saw that he changed his wallpaper back to himself which oddly found to be vain. 



I don't like repeating myself, and he didn't listen well. I started replying less because I didn't see a future with him.


One day, I accidentally saw his IG notes about a toothache and wanting a kiss. It seemed like he wanted attention from someone that is not me. I talked to a friend about it, and they asked why I cared if I wasn't really into him.


I have always believed that if someone truly loves you, communication shouldn't be hard, so if he did love me. Despite the less replies, he wouldn't entertain somebody else. I trusted him to do that even though I wasn't talking to him at all or my replies we're colder as days passed. I was still there and I didn't really left, it's just communication was just less. My ex proved that, even when we didn't talk for days. He stayed loyal.


One day,  I saw messages with another girl. She had a boyfriend but was asking if he was single. He proudly said he was courting me and even sent her my pictures. She questioned why I hadn't said yes yet. It hurt, but I felt like it was partly my fault for not replying much.


The girl even said "Hindi dapat panliligaw pinapatagal kundi relasyon" which translates to, courtship shouldn't be prolonged  because the relationship should last longer. 


I confronted him about seeing the messages and he believe he didn't do anything wrong and it got me a bit sad that I trusted this guy. I told him that I don't want to talk to him anymore and he could start dating the girl if he wants to.  He kept saying he loved me, but his actions said otherwise. It made me sad, but I realized I'm valuable, and he chose something less genuine. This experience taught me a lot about myself, and now I know my worth.


As a girl, I know what exactly the girl was doing. I didn't get broken by him but I got sad for myself who thought that I can trust someone again. I, now have my walls up higher than it was before. Thinking about it, I know that I am gold and he threw gold for gold-plated.


In my conclusion of this disappointment, I will usually think that it's my fault why he did that but in reality, I also know that this guy is an asshole. He is not anything better. I guess, I have improved and now I know my worth. 


Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Sharing these personal experiences on my blog has been a therapeutic journey for me, a way to process and reflect on my emotions. If you've found resonance with these words or if you're going through something similar, please feel free to reach out. Your thoughts and feelings are valued here.  I hope that my journey can offer insights or comfort to those who have shared in similar experiences. Remember, your story is valid, and you're not alone.  

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