Facing my insecurities

As days passed by, I felt so lost and as I felt this. I became more insecure of myself and in this matter, things were different from me. 

Have you ever had those days when getting out of bed felt like an insurmountable task? Days when eating seemed impossible because it felt like a form of self-inflicted pain? Times when your lack of happiness led to neglecting self-care, leaving you utterly exhausted and feeling like a total wreck?

If you ever said "YES" to any of those questions, then we are the same. I often get called lazy by my mother but I just can't tell her that I had no more will to live, that my thoughts have become so dangerous that it's damaging my productivity and losing myself to something I can't even understand. 

However, 

I wanted to make a stand for myself and fight. I can't lose my life to my thoughts and my feelings then I looked at the mirror and saw this insecure girl who had absolutely no-one to hug her on times she can't fight but only herself. So, I did. 

I wanted to re-invent myself. I have realized that I missed my old self but that self is not the better version of me because the best version of me is yet to come. 

To reinvent yourself is a process of self discovery. 

So here are the steps that I am looking forward to do. 

1 .Self-Reflection: I've used this time for self-reflection, delving into my identity, my strengths and weaknesses, the things that bring me joy, my passions, and my aspirations in matters of love.

2. Acceptance: I've come to terms with the fact that I may have held a higher position in the past, but now I find myself at a low point. It's important for me to acknowledge that I've made mistakes and to recognize my current limitations. Accepting these truths is crucial for me to navigate and understand the changes and realities of my current situation. 

3. Set Clear Goals: I've set S.M.A.R.T. goals for myself to achieve what I desire, and I've outlined the necessary steps to reach them. This challenge has ignited a passion within me, and every time I attain one of my goals, it's like a spark that drives me further.

4. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: I have always felt that I was in a jail. I have always felt locked inside my comfort zone, I am so scared to  move forward and to move away, scared to embrace change and there was a lot of opportunities that came but I limited myself to something I know I have more potential for growth. So this is me, stepping out of my comfort zone.

5. Build a Support System: I have always been an independent woman and by all means, I am so used of being alone. I didn't want to ask anyone for help nor for support. Because I got my walls up, I have pushed people away. I am now focused in surrounding myself with supportive and positive people. Ask help from people who have experience in reinventing themselves too. 

6. Stay Persistent and Patient: I know it will be hard and I know that It would take time but I need to believe in myself that I can do it. 

7. Embrace Failure: I am a perfectionist, and I am scared of trying because I am afraid to fail but after everything that happened, I have understand that I needed to embrace failure for me to succeed. 

8. Health and Wellness: My goal is to be physically and to be mentally okay. A healthy body that can do things again where climbing stairs won't be hard for me to breathe and a healthy mental health where I am no longer stress, always smiling and providing a strong foundation for my own personal growth. 

9. Embrace Growth: I always have a passion for learning and craving for my own personal growth but because of the experiences that I had to go through, It was hard for me to grow as an individual even if I kept trying but as to my realization, I have grew in small ways. I am not perfect but when I accepted some facts, I   became open to growth and learning in a different way. 

10. Regularly Assess and Adjust: Always evaluate your progress , and assess what's happening. What's working and what is not.  Learn how to navigate your path by learning how to adjust while staying on track . 

11. Forgive yourself: Just do it. I may have always took the blame that wasn't mine so when it was my mistake, I have a hard time accepting it and forgiving myself has become so hard. I guess if I have always a heavy heart on me, It may be a rough path for me for reinvention. So, I personally think that forgiving yourself means allowing yourself to move forward with your life. 

12. Seek Inspiration: I have always adored people, have some inspirations and some role model in my life but this time, I will make my inspiration my motivation to stepping into a better me. 

13. VISION BOARD: This is where I want to visualize success and create a clear mental image of myself of what I want to happen in my life and what I want to become.  Manifest my dreams until one day it becomes into a reality. 

14. Take Action: Stay organize and stay focus on your path and take some action. Nothing will happen if you're just sitting on your chair. 

15.  Stay True to Yourself: I've come to realize that my life has been negatively impacted because I've allowed narcissistic individuals, including my mother and others in my life, to have a significant influence. I understand now that loving these people can be incredibly challenging, as it often meant compromising my own well-being for their happiness. They have consistently attempted to control and manipulate my life. I recognize that seeking validation from individuals who don't make an effort to understand me is futile. Despite the difficulties, I've decided to distance myself from those I can cut ties with. I'm determined to prioritize my beliefs and values, staying true to myself above all else. While it's hard due to familial connections, I am committed to protecting my own well-being and pursuing a life that aligns with my authentic self.

I guess, these are just sample steps of what I can share with my readers and my future self. But in the next blog, I will tell you more. As I reflect, set goals, step out of your comfort zone, and build a support system, know that you're not alone on this journey. The process of self-discovery and growth is a unique and deeply personal one, and it's filled with opportunities for learning, adapting, and evolving.

I believe that I can and therefore I will. 

Angella <3